"Take the sourest lemon life has to offer and

turn it into something resembling lemonade"

Heavy Is the Heart

June 30, 2015


My heart has been so heavy this week.  Have you ever had that? Ok, I”m sure we all have.

In being the founder of Raising BLUE I have devoted part of my self to a cause that can be so sad.  It is really sad for me to hear about a family that has suffered a stillbirth .. It lingers with me.. I suppose long enough for the little one to get woven into a part of my heart… and there they stay- blessed I am for the mom and dads that allow me into their lives to try to make a difference.

The past 3 years have been just that…. a call.. a mom and dad need support- we go, do what we can, we learn what we can not do, we learn costs of headstones, we learn so many things… the little baby’s name is said to me… and sometimes after that baby’s name is said to me I can feel him or her being etched into my heart..  and then sometimes something even more magical happens and that baby’s mom and dad decides they want to help other mom and dads.

It’s a beautiful thing, really.  No matter if the mom and dads start walking with us here at Raising BLUE or they are touched in a way where they can lay their baby to rest and go on to do things to honor their baby.. it’s all vey beautiful.

I imagine each baby has it’s own color of thread … weaving in and our of our (my) heart(s)..  going in- I might shed tears for the family.. pulling back out.. I feel the need to reach out to the family.. something beautiful always happens when we touch a family.

My heart is extra heavy today.  I think the family we reached out to this week had two threads into my heart– making my heart even heavier.

You see a heavy heart has always been something very beautiful to me.  We all have had times where our heart feels heavier than others… and we all have times where our heart is so light it skips a beat.

As I was sitting at my desk today.. thinking of my sweet little Leo Blue… some tears rolling down my face.. trying to work through my day.. I looked up and saw my lotion.  At the bottom of the bottle I saw this “Blue freesia”

I though huh.. Blue Free Sia.. I wonder what Sia means?

So I did what any normal mom does when she thinks her baby is trying to tell her something..

I went to google..

I looked it up tonight and it said that Sia in hebrew means “Helper”…

Those are those moments when I realize that what I’m doing is exactly what I should be.  “Blue Free Helper”..

Ok it does make me laugh a little bit.. but free meaning that i am free. How wonderful, I am free.

When Leo died I immediately knew what was important in my life and that finding happiness would mean staying as close to what was true for me.. what was good for me… what was good for my (free) time.

My heart is heavy this week. Thinking about all of our babies. That I really really wish were here with us.. but my heart – with all of our babies woven in it skips a beat .. when I realize the gift they have given us… to be free helpers…. Thank you, Blue. .

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