I love to reflect back and there is no better day to do that then the very last day of the year.
Did I do something big this year?
Am I a good mom?
Am I making good choices for my family?
Did I help someone in a big way?
Does my family have their health?
Did someone go out of their way to show me 100% genuine kindness?
Am I doing well in my career?
I am answer yes – thankfully- to all those questions. I am blessed.
But I think the biggest question that I will always have in the back of my mind is: Am I ready?
What in the world does that mean?
I am a planner at heart – naturally this drives most of those who love me enough to care, crazy.
The things that drive me the most crazy are when things that I’ve strategically planned: outdoor wedding, a growing, a career that I thought I had in the bag, fell through..
Ok so one of those things is not like the other.
I said in a little speech here at the farm that when Leo died all I remember thinking is that I want to be happy. How did happy look as a bereaved mother? I was committed to being that example from day one.
I was not ready for my baby to die.
I wasn’t ready.
But in a way I was.
Are you ready?
Ok- sounding wacky.
What I really meant about being happy after my son died is I didn’t want to be a sad person. I didn’t want to be a bitter person. But how are is one happy and how are you thankful when so much is taken? I had to figure it out- after all I wanted to be an example for Kingston. One day he’s going to understand that when he was very little his mom and dad went through something hard- and I hope he sees an example in us both.
I have to practice happiness. It’s not given to me. I’m not happy because of what’s around me- the given- I’m happy because I choose to be this way. I choose not to survive but thrive in a world where- if you’re not ready to go through it- to be resilent (most days)- you’ll be eaten alive.
There is so much that can go wrong- not your way- down on your luck. What are you going to do to find your happiness? Are you ready to thrive?- no matter what?
It means being thankful for it all. Everything- it can’t be only some of it. To thrive you have to be thankful for it all- dig deep- choose to see the good and keep going in a positive direction- towards happiness. Don’t survive- thrive.
So my question is for myself as much as it is for you= am I ready- to thrive? No matter what happens?- trust me- every scenario since Leo died has crossed my mind- “losing” everything. Am I ready?
They say to remember that there is always someone that would love to trade places with you. For me that sounds a bit like competition- I want to be in a good place not only for myself but to show others that they can be there (here), in a happy place, a peaceful place of resilience, that no matter what happens we are on the good path.
So my question- are you ready- for whatever happens in your life?- the good the bad?- the ugly?- the marvelous?- the sweet surprises at your door-the moments that take your breath away? the opportunities that knock?- to thrive?– are you ready?
I am. We are.
2015. I’m knocking.