My mom used to say this
“I just always prayed that I would live until you and your sister were 18 so that I could make sure you were ok”…
I would look at her- in my teen years like she was crazy.. ok? Of course we will be ok..
It wasn’t until recently that I got what she meant.
I go to bed every night thinking Dear God- I know you have the ability to throw anything and that we will grow stronger together- by please don’t take Kingston and Lola’s momma away..
Kingston may be the only person in this world that needs me.
I mean that..
Lola is sweet as sugar and is special..
but boys need their moms..
ok girls do too..
and in fact after baby Leo died I begged God not to take my mom or my husband..
Kingston need patience .. he need kindness and he needs someone so silly that they will do anything to get his wild boy stubbornness worked out with a silly face..
He needs discipline to keep him in order..
and he needs someone to always say “Hey buddy, you ok?”
If I had one wish it would be that one day I get to see both Kingston and Lola graduate from high school, college, get married, have children… the big ones.. but also to be here after their first fall off their bicycle, their first break up, their Christmas play..
I feel like sometimes it gets real in my mind how quickly things can be taken for granted..
Leo and I had a conversation the other day ..
life for us on April 12th 2012 started off like every normal day- I went to work … he was home with Kingston- and by 12 o’clock noon life change- in a instant..
It’s been a full blown blessing..
It’s made us better parents.. (maybe more cautious parents).. better people..
the best thing baby Leo did for me is that he made me a better mother.. and that one wish is for him to look over me– for Kingston and Lola.. because I know out of everyone in the whole wide world they need me..
and that day- when I was telling Leo about my fear- of not being here.. he said “I need you here too”..
I never thought I would be so loved. I never wished that.. but boy is it wonderful.. now the only thing I do wish is to be around for a long time to give so much love back to those that love me..
I love you Kingston, Blue, and Lola