"Take the sourest lemon life has to offer and

turn it into something resembling lemonade"

Dear Mom

March 6, 2014

You’re a mom. 

If he’s at college

If she’s in her crib

When their tugging at your pant leg… kicking in your belly

Or grabbing for your wallet.. 

You’re a mom.

When you explain the “why Mommy?” 

Up all night

Fast asleep

You’re a mom

When you miss them

When they are cleaning their mess

If they are in heaven

But you know there are always here.. 

You’re a mom.

I know so many women who have lost a lot … a lot of men that have lost a lot.. 

Their baby

You’re a mom

A mom of 1 

or 2

or 5

A family of 

3

4

5

6

You’re a family. 

I get sad too. 

Today on my way to a funeral I drove past St Mary’s where baby Blue was burried with my grandma and grandpa.. 

and I lost my breath.. 

and I couldn’t catch it.. for a minute..

Those moments are hard.. really really hard… 

and if I let myself go too far and don’t try to get my breath back it’s hard.. 

I’ve been reading a lot about grief.. what it is.. how to “do” it.. and what it looks like

Today hit me almost out of nowhere.. 

and in an instant when that happens 50 million thoughts go through my head.. ‘

my weight- my weight did it.. 

his hands – they were perfect.. 

he looked like Kingston.. 

He would be 2 in a month.. 

I miss him

I want Kingston to have a brother.. 

so, so bad. 

… 

and it always goes back to me

Dear Mom, 

He has a brother

You held his hands

Kingston will know him when he sees him again.. 

He is almost two

He’s with you

He’s with you

He’s here

You did the best you could. He hears you, he knows your love.. he sees you trying. 

Dear Mom, 

Be nice to yourself 

It might not feel like it will ever be ok.. .. 

these days will come 

but you’ve done the hardest day.. and that makes you a person that knows true strength

and then I get myself together park my car, get out, and smile.. 

because 

Dear Mom, 

You know it’s true.. 

he’s all around you.. 

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