I think I’ve heard them 100 times over the last almost 2 years.
The truth is I’m not 100% sure but I think sometimes I know the answer.
There is no doubt I have been blessed. My whole entire life.
My mom and dad have shown me what hard work is.. my dad ALWAYS used to say to me “It’s not the wanting that hurts, it’s the getting”.. reminding me that nope, you don’t always get what you want- and if you do it will eventually hurt (you).
and by working hard working 10 years TEN YEARS — did you hear that? It took me 10 years to get my BSN.. a 4 year degree..
I got kicked out- thrown out- you are not smart enough- could have given up- but kept on..
I met friends.. I followed a path- nights of really thinking I was crazy and should i keep going were a huge part of my 20’s…
but I’ve always known that things could be worse.. way worse.. than not getting into nursing school..
shruggin my shoulders telling my parents “I’ll figure it out”..
always knowing to be thankful and grateful for the experiences.
I took a job at a bridal shop during one of my light school semesters when I had to “sit out” and wait to get back in…
That’s where I met someone special. Jill.
I remember right after I lost baby Leo I said that I was still thankful.
Jill wrote me that I seem to always seem grateful no matter what.
I was 23 working in a bridal shop and I knew I should have been working as a nurse..
should.. I’ve been told is a dangerous word- when talking to anyone- including yourself.
That conversation, as well as the one that I’ll never be a nurse, happened on NKU’s campus.
I don’t look at what should or could have.. I know to trust it.. be thankful for the experiences I’ve been given. I’m thankful for that bridal shop job because I met Jill. Someone who really just understood me right off the bat.
So right after we lost our baby I knew the ONLY thing that could save our family.. save me was to find something to be grateful for.
That happened right away- friends and family here in an instant. Down at the farm flowers were flooded in.. it was crazy. Every day here there was a knock on the door.. for almost two weeks.. flowers.. everyday for two weeks…. I was grateful.
The beauty of sadness is that usually you can find the kindest and kindness in people. People really pull together to show their sympathy, their support.
I was grateful.
Its easy to get caught up in the “poor me”.. BUT DON’T fall for it..
life is bigger than that…
Know that, and I’m learning that the process i took… the thankful, approach..IS why I have healed. I really can say that even before Lola came I was at peace with Leo’s passing.. because I saw the new life he gave me..
and sure.. It can be so scary some days when that feeling of “anything can happen this day- I could lose it all” creeps up..
but I have to buckle down.. remind myself that no matter what comes I’m grateful, I thankful, I handled his death.. I can handle anything.. We all are capable of this.
My life changed after I lost him.. I’m not the Stacey that was super happy go lucky.. but I’m still happy.. so happy.. so grateful.. and I know that is how I survived.
That’s how I do it. … with a grateful heart… a big, broken grateful heart…
p.s. It’s becoming more and more evident as I read Tom Zuba’s posts on FB this is the way to do things.. He’s got it right.