Turning right out of my driveway…
I guess the thing I most struggle with in my life… and I always will is that Kingston will not have that brother to play with, to grow up with.. that dream for me and Leo is gone..
I think that’s the one thing I guess I don’t want to live with. Yes, I can make good of it, I can be positive but I really really don’t like that Kingston doesn’t have his brother..
So I drove and I kept going and going.. to get a new license … the winding roads..
to the courthouse I went .. and I can count on one hnd how many times I”ve turned right out of our driveway…
The delapitated houses reminds me to be thankful for everything that I have..
The slow cars I get stuck behind remind me that I am grateful that I have a car that can drive the speed limit.. and to slow down because what am I really going to be rushing back to?…
So I got my picture taken and made my way back home..
I walked into a gas station to get a drink and there were two boys in there talking about how the other company was going to take over.
They were pretty young.. I guess working …. and worried about their job..
I get back in my car and start driving ..
There’s an end;less road to rediscover….
Hmm. That caught my attention..
I become obsessed.. Thinking of Kingsotn and his brother.. obsessed.. I can’t get enough of the words out of his mouth.. and I have tears running down my face.
Oh if the sky comes falling down, for you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do..
Is it him telling me he’s with his brother..
The song gets me driving faster feeling more thankful.. wanting to be closer to Kingston.. yet closer to baby Leo.. can I have both..
I didn’t want to go home.. or did I?…
Sometimes feeling that painful sting makes me feel closer him..
Oh gosh, sometimes the pain is so sharp.. and I just want my family to be that- just as it was supposed to- the five of us..
and I was deep in that on my way to the courthouse…
But something shifted- a little – for a little for me.. and I felt the feeling I feel a lot- that he is watching over his brother..
I just have to remind myself that I”m strong enough to know that.. I have the faith to know that even though from Kingston I’ll never hear him say “Hey, Brother!” that it doesn’t mean he isn’t watching out for him..
He’s here with Kingston and Lola, with me..
and I am now in awe of that song.
I’ve said it before and I”ll say it again.. music saves my life everyday.