Me. In so many ways.
My back, my heart, so many things in this house… but…
not my spirit…
Not my ability to see the gifts that I do have..
I met a friend for dinner the other night.
She has been my friend for many years we just didn’t see each other as much.. I don’t see many of my friends.. everyone is just so busy.. I totally understand that.
This friend is extra special to me now, and not for the best reason..
She lost her baby too.
Her baby died.
When I hear of a local mom that is dealing with the loss of her baby- and dad too- but I’m a mom- so I’m partial to the Mommas.. my heart so bad wants my body to run over to their house and give them a hug for as long as they need it.. which I know is forever.
So I am forever here for these moms and dads and I know in return they will be here for me.
I don’t want them to feel like they are alone. Because there was a very dark time in my life after I lost Leo that I felt like no one got it. And knowing families that have lost babies doesn’t make my life brighter but I certainly don’t feel so .. umm.. I guess I’ll say alone.
So we were talking about some of our stories of how we’ve seen our babies in different ways..
I was telling her I see Leo all the time.
She was telling me about her wedding ring and how it as missing a stone, her husbands birth stone, which is also her baby’s birthstone.. BUt that specific stone wasn’t supposed to be her baby’s birthstone..
She said “So I have to get get it fixed”..
I said .. “Well, on your way to get it fixed look around, because I bet Michael is taking you there for a reason.”
I then said, “You know I”m missing a diamond on my band too”
And I froze and looked at her.
I said “A diamond”
I thought in my head “April”
Leo’s birthstone.. that wasn’t supposed to be Leo’s birthstone..
Leo and Michael’s missing stones in each of our wedding bands..
I don’t have just diamonds on my band I have pink sapphires and diamonds…
You see. God is working through us and he brings us together for a reason.
Just like the five moms in Iowa. That is a sisterhood like I’ve never seen. One that I love and one that I cherish.. and why?
Because of little itty bitty babies that didn’t take a breath.. but how I see it, certainly have breathed new life into all of us..
So fix me, please.. My heart,my back.. but perhaps Katie.. we aren’t really all that broken.. because I think.. I mean.. I know, we were supped to be together that night, talking about our broken hearts, our broken rings, and our babies who are placing us on a path to things we can not even imagine.
We aren’t broken …