"Take the sourest lemon life has to offer and

turn it into something resembling lemonade"

Fix Me, Please

December 23, 2013



Me. In so many ways. 

My back, my heart, so many things in this house… but… 

not my spirit… 

Not my ability to see the gifts that I do have.. 

I met a friend for dinner the other night. 

She has been my friend for many years we just didn’t see each other as much.. I don’t see many of my friends.. everyone is just so busy.. I totally understand that. 

This friend is extra special to me now, and not for the best reason..

She lost her baby too. 

Her baby died. 

When I hear of a local mom that is dealing with the loss of her baby- and dad too- but I’m a mom- so I’m partial to the Mommas.. my heart so bad wants my body to run over to their house and give them a hug for as long as they need it.. which I know is forever.

So I am forever here for these moms and dads and I know in return they will be here for me. 

I don’t want them to feel like they are alone. Because there was a very dark time in my life after I lost Leo that I felt like no one got it. And knowing families that have lost babies doesn’t make my life brighter but I certainly don’t feel so .. umm.. I guess I’ll say alone. 


So we were talking about some of our stories of how we’ve seen our babies in different ways.. 

I was telling her I see Leo all the time. 

She was telling me about her wedding ring and how it as missing a stone, her husbands birth stone, which is also her baby’s birthstone.. BUt that specific stone wasn’t supposed to be her baby’s birthstone.. 

She said “So I have to get get it fixed”.. 

I said .. “Well, on your way to get it fixed look around, because I bet Michael is taking you there for a reason.”

I then said, “You know I”m missing a diamond on my band too”

And I froze and looked at her.

I said “A diamond”

I thought in my head “April”

Leo’s birthstone.. that wasn’t supposed to be Leo’s birthstone.. 

Leo and Michael’s missing stones in each of our wedding bands.. 

I don’t have just diamonds on my band I have pink sapphires and diamonds… 

You see. God is working through us and he brings us together for a reason. 

Just like the five moms in Iowa. That is a sisterhood like I’ve never seen. One that I love and one that I cherish.. and why?

Because of little itty bitty babies that didn’t take a breath.. but how I see it, certainly have breathed new life into all of us.. 

So fix me, please.. My heart,my back.. but perhaps Katie.. we aren’t really all that broken.. because I think.. I mean.. I know, we were supped to be together that night, talking about our broken hearts, our broken rings, and our babies who are placing us on a path to things we can not even imagine. 

We aren’t broken … 


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