1423. Lola was born.
Doctor Lambers put her on my chest and I could hear anything but her- trying to cry and breathe- and Leo’s deep breaths. It happened.
I have never been more happy in my life. I have never been more prsent in the moments in my life- until now.
It was different getting Lola to the car then the walk was after giving birth to baby Leo. I didn’t want a wheelchair with Leo- I wanted to walk out on my own- the same way I came in with him I wanted to be the same way out- strong- and standing.
When we were waiting on transport to get to the garage to take Lola home I felt silly. I don’t need the wheelchair I thought. I told Leo- can we just go? I’ll carry her.. You got the stuff? He said “I’m not sure what they’ll say”…
He came I got in and he started asking us how many children we had. I said we have 3. He said “Oh” .. I asked him- He said “Eight”… I said “Oh WOW”.. He was very nice. Super nice. Once we got the the elevator to take us to the righ garage I said- “I’ll walk from here”.. He said “Are you sure”.. I was sure.
I wanted to walk to my car, put her in her car seat hold her just a little longer on the way to the car … because I wanted that moment.
I could barely feel my legs with that walk after Leo- that day I walked with much pride and much happiness. I had a baby to put in the car. Leo and I smiled at eachother. We are used toputting a toddler in a car seat- not a 8 pound baby.. How does it go again?.. We just smiled.
These moments I’ll never get back. I feel more awake and more aware even now after Lola. I didn’t know that could happen. I didn’t know that she could wake me up even more. When you live in the moments you are given and really listen and pay attention to what is going on- not thinking about what’s next – you really get the most out of life. She is that reminder to me.
Yesterday at the St. Pius carnival a man working a booth turned around- there I was holding Lola and his eyes got wide.. He said “How old?”. I said “Four days”.. He said “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh”.. He kept telling everyone to look and siad “FOUR DAYS”…
Then he asked, “What’s her name?” I smiled and said, “Lola”… He put his hand on his chest – so sincere like and said “Her name is Lola”.. and then the man next to him started singing, “Lola”.. Then everyone in the booth.
It took my breath away. Complete strangers celebrating my baby’s life. I was in awe. I was so happy. She is special. That is a moment I will never forget.
I feel so blessed to have her. I have deep connections with all of my babies- I was worried about how I would feel after I had her. Would I wish it was Leo? Was I trying to replace Leo? .. I was hoping I wouldn’t have mixed feelings.. and I don’t. A bright light was put around me the day I had her. I am happier and more thankful for my past than ever. To get to a place like this after a place like that is simply the beauty of life. It can be bad.. moments.. but living in them and learning in them takes us to a much better place… and all I have to thank for that is God for knowing I’m strong enough and a sweet baby boy that is forever changing my life….