I was crazy. Last summer in preparation to grow perfect pumpkins for Blue’s First Pumpkin Bash I loaded up Kingston in the gator. We were playing outside and I saw several buckets sitting around and without rain in sight I filled them up with water and put them into the back of the gator.
Kingston and I drove the bumpy track back to the pumpkins and water splashed all around in the back. Still, I was determined to go water as many sprouts of pumpkins plants as I could.
When I got there I had little water left and I was embarrassed. But I watered them with what I had and I felt slightly satisfied.
When I told Leo what I did he laughed. I did too.
But what I was doing is filling a need. The pumpkin field in the back – taking care of it- makes me feel like I am doing something, or I guess taking care of baby Leo.
If I saved the tears I’ve cried over the last year and sprinkle the ground with those- I know they would grow and grow.
Last year we had a wonderful first benefit for him- I didn’t need to worry- they grow.
June 23rd 2012 was Leo’s due date. I will admit I realized it later today- after I thought of this post.
Today was just a beautiful day. I spent most of it with Kingston and then with friends at a baby shower where we celebrated a little boy that is about to come into this world.
Bringing those buckets of water back to the pumpkin patch last year was totally silly. In life we do some pretty silly things to feel more alive- more connected to what we love- and to make things we want to happen, happen.
I know that the tears I’ve cried over the year has made me stronger. I know that carrying his sister has made me one tough girl. It’s not easy to wake up every day and wonder if she’s going to stop growing- if she’s going to make it. But that’s something in life everyone is battling-the unknown- there is no promise
So we just go on- take a deep breath and fill up our buckets. Telling ourselves that it will be alright- we can handle what comes- and grow. It’s just what we do- it’s what we have to do.