My job is rewarding.
But it can also be very hard.
A couple of days ago I had a woman in my office who needed a pregnancy test.
I try to feel out the situation before I tell the results.
I asked “Have you taken a test at home?”
She sated “A cheap one”
So I sat with the test for 3 minutes as it read positive.
A grabbed the positive pregnancy test folder and went into my office.
I said “Your test is positive, did you know that?”
She said “Yes, I figured it was”
Ok. So my next task is tricky when talking to newly expecing parents.
I say “How do you feel about this pregnancy”
I got a stare this time.
I say “Are you nervous, excited, conflicted?, tell me what’s going on, I can help”
The situation was a hard one but the woman had another child by another man that she had to raise alone and it was looking like this time she was going to have to do the same thing.
She began to say that she has already visited an abortion clinic
I’ve had 3 of these visits since I’ve lost Blue.
I take a big gulp, swallow, and begin a visit that is going to exhaust me emotionally.
I remember not to judge. My life is blessed. I see the bright side to almost every situation. Some are not so blessed with a supportive family, a loving husband, and a career that is pretty secure.
I begin to tell her that she can put the baby up for adoption, that is an option if she can’t go through with her first thought.
She says no.
We talk for some time and at the end she says “This is the most un Christian thing I could ever do” and starts to cry.
I say to her that we all do “un Christian” things. We have to learn from them. We have to grow into better people.
I told her that if she doesn’t want to keep her baby that is up to her.
I don’t get mad at people for this. I don’t know why. I think I clearly understand that this isn’t my place to get mad and it’s not my job to judge. I know my job is to give people the resources they need.
It’s not fair, no. This word is hard and cruel and some people just don’t have anyone that they can lean on- or they have exhausted all their options leaving them alone and emotionally done- especially to care for another human being.
These conversations are so hard and I never know how to handle them but I hope I am doing it right. I don’t want to say “Hey listen, I lost my baby, that I wanted 6 months ago, how dare you… no. I don’t say that
But just as she walked out the door and I went to go code the visit I saw an expecting mom walking out the door- clearnly more than 28 weeks along. Her hands did not have the pamphlet I wanted to see so I said.. “Hey, wait just one second”. She had her hand on the door walking out.
I said “here is this pamphlet. Read it, count your kicks, and bond with your baby. This message is near and dear to my heart. ”
SHe thanked me and walked out the door and suddenly, and it doesn’t take much, my heart was full again. It’s funny how God gives you situations to challenge you.. and then puts you pack together by putting you in the right place at the right time.