I feel like I always write how busy I am…….
Tonight Leo and I took Kingston out on ride to “see a pumpkin” as Kingston says it…
We hopped in the Gator and drove back through the trail- Mannie running in front of us like she was protecting us..
My mind flashed back to the last walk I took with baby Leo.
I was devastated that day. We came home after I turned in a homework assignment and I was sitting at my desk scared as ever. I was thinking about what I was going to have to do the next couple of days…
I was scared because I felt like I was the only girl on earth that was going to have to deliver a baby that had died.
So I began searching on the internet.. it was like driving in the rain- The tears coming down- trying to find something to show me I was not alone…
It’s been 5 months and I’ve met so many families that have our same story. I am not alone.
That is one thing that keeps me going. When you go through the unimaginable and you realize so many more have been there also, it drives you to change it even more. That can happen in many situations in life.
Driving back to see the pumpkins tonight with Leo, Kingston and Mannie — through that trail I last walked with baby Leo had me thinking about how he’ll never have these times here with us three.. but I was only sad for a second.. because he’s already given so much to be thankful for.. and I know he is always here with me..
We got to the field and I watched Kingston run around- a healthy, happy, precious little boy asking to pick a pumpkin… We’re blessed.
I don’t feel like we are driving through the rain anymore. As his first benefit comes closer and closer and I see what I can do everyday if I am positive. I am positive this is what our life was supposed to be like. It doesn’t make it easier it just makes it meaningful. Our life has purpose.
That is what he’s given me.. purpose. I am his mom for a reason. He was here for a reason. I am here for a reason.