"Take the sourest lemon life has to offer and

turn it into something resembling lemonade"

ONE UPPER

June 29, 2012

As soon as I thought that my life was hard to live.. I realized that someone will always one up you… 

I have sat with a mom whoes baby was taken from this world at 16 months by someone’s hands… I have sat with a women whose mother was murdered. I have talked to women just diagnosed with cancer.. I have seen a friend almost lose their father.. I have seen someone lose their mother…I have seen a friend go through a divorce…  I have lost my baby.. 

 

It doesn’t matter what pain you are going through.. someone can always “one up” you.. and realize that in the end it only means that what someone else is going through can be equal to your pain. I realize that. I know people might think “She had her husband”… “She’s got her mom… her dad… her sis… ” it goes on. But what I don’t have is my baby. That experince is hard to expalin.. just as someone trying to explain to me what it is like to lose a mother.. a friend… so we are really all the same.. but completely different 

I just realize more now than ever that it doesn’t matter what it is we can all feel the same in loss… The emotion is the same.. when you lose something, you can get it back.. that creates the same anxiety.. 

I understand what it is like to lose now. It’s hard.. but I also feel like when you lose something, someone (more importantly) you have to ask yourself… “What am I going to do with this?”… it’s not a simple question to answer 

 

Are you going to go around and say “Why me?” are you going to settle for something or someone less than you deserve?… or are you going to make a plan to rise above, make yourself better, for yourself, and make it better?.. I choose to make it better… 

I’m never going to get my baby back. I lost him. He’s gone. But I am choosing to do something about it. This is the only way I can survive.. and thrive.. 

I hope in loss we can all learn how to not only survive it.. but thrive in it.. Dive in and come up to air with something beautiful.. a treasure.. 

Not a second goes by I don’t think of him… Not a second.. as we get closer to seeing if there really is any answer to this I realize that he has made me stronger than I could ever imagine.. and for that he will always be part of me…in my heart.. making it beat… forever… 

 

Thanks, Blue

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