"Take the sourest lemon life has to offer and

turn it into something resembling lemonade"


May 1, 2012


After I left my “appointment” back in February I went to a store to try and find “big brother, little brother” t-shirts for the day baby Leo would be born.  

I remember it very clear. I was sitting in my car looking up at the sky… and something came over me… I called Leo right away and walking into that store I told him my crazy request… I said “Leo, I know what would make me so happy”.  He listened. I said “I want his middle name to be blue. Blue like I love you and Kingston in, blue like “true blue”. It has to be Blue. It’s perfect”.  I swallowed my spit which felt like I was swallowing a whole watermelon and waited.  He said “Let me think about it”… to which I quickly said “Ok, but that’s what it is. It’s Blue”. 

I got in the store and right there, out of place, laying on a baby toy,  was a “Lil Bro” onsie. LIke it was waiting for me….. and it was…. that same lil onsie is the one that lays on top of sweet baby Leo’s casket….. and it is perfect there… when I dropped it down on top of it it landed so perfectly that I didn’t have to think anymore.. letting me know that I had done something right…. letting me know he was ok,,


There is a lesson in this story and I don’t think it’s that hard to see. It became clear to me the instant that I found out that his heart wasn’t beating why it is important to always, if genuine, to go with your heart.  Listen to what is being said even when things are going on around you… There has been comfort like no other in these past two weeks. I know why I picked Blue. Baby Leo was never meant to be on this earth.. he was conceived with a hope and a dream for Leo and I to raise two sons together and watch them play in the front yard… But this little one won’t be in our front yard… where he will be, and always will be is in the big blue sky. Watching over his big brother… an angel…. There is comfort in sitting outside.. Blue is silly. Blue is a silly middle name some could say. But oh how that silly lil middle name has not let me down.. made me believe even more in God.. and allowed me to accept .. even though I have my moments… that baby Blue is right where he is supposed to be…. 

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