October 7th was a day that I will never forget. I was going in for the 20-week ultrasound. The biggest worry I had was, could I really decide not to find out if it was a girl or boy? My husband was dead-set against it and the planner that I am didn’t see that as an option. As we entered the room the technician asked us if we wanted to know the sex; I looked at my husband and said no. The smile on his face was priceless.
She then proceeded to begin the ultrasound. After having the doplar on my stomach no more than 5 sec, she left the room saying she was going to get the doctor. I knew at that moment something wasn’t right. After the doctor reviewed the ultrasound, she explained to us that our baby had what they call Hydrops, and it is most likely due to a chromosomal disorder and told us we were looking at a 50% survival rate. My heart broke.
As a mother or father, there are words you never want to hear about your unborn child: your child is very ill, and your child has a 50% chance of survival. After many genetics tests, ultrasounds, and a fetal echocardiogram, they scheduled us for a fetal MRI.
On Monday November 7th I went in for the MRI. That is when those words changed to: our child’s condition was fatal and she has 0% chance of survival. I can say nothing can prepare you to hear this regarding any friend or family, especially your child. Unfortunately during a doctor visit later that week we were unable to detect a heartbeat and we learned that she passed sometime between Monday and Thursday.
Aubrey Lynn Engels was born still Thursday November 20th at 8:28 pm. At 27 weeks, she weighed 3 lbs 11 oz, and we got to spend 17 hours with her before turning her over to the nurse. While it was the worst day of our lives, we rest tonight knowing she is with God running around doing things that she would never have been able to do here on earth with her condition. She will forever be our first born, and guardian angel to protect us through the rest of our lives.
Aubrey Lynn – mommy and daddy love you and will take you with us always and everywhere we go. Enjoy Heaven, and we will see you there later. Love you baby girl.
Aubrey Lynn Engels ~ November 20th 2014